Positively Payne-ful

I wasn’t really expecting Max Payne to be amazing. Okay, actually, I had really low expectations for the film. But I was expecting some kind of coherent storyline with kickass action. No one really expects action movies or video game movies to have any substance [see Silent Hill, Doom], but what is expected is to be mildly entertained by overdone special effects or flamboyant fight sequences. Max Payne was absolute crap.

I had gone to the Comic-Con panel for Max Payne because I wanted to see Marky Mark. At the panel, they showed footage of the film and I guess I thought it looked kinda cool at the time. When Max Payne hit theaters, my gut was telling me not to go see it. I don’t know what I was thinking when I decided to rent the movie.

In conclusion, Max Payne was completely incoherent. I couldn’t follow the story for the life of me. Max Payne’s character was not likable, you didn’t sympathize with his situation, and he didn’t even seem like a badass! And how on Earth can Marky Mark not come off as a badass? Honestly, it felt like a bad B movie, especially the scenes involving Amaury Nolasco [Prison Break] who plays Lupino (some bad guy who I have no clue what his motivations are about). Nolasco was horrible, let’s just leave it at that.

I also think Mila Kunis was terrible. You know what? The entire movie was terrible. It was a complete waste of time and money, the acting was horrible and the storyline was complete bullshit. I don’t even know how this movie got made!