What was Lost will be found…

If that teaser tagline isn’t enough to keep you tuned in for the premiere of Lost this Thursday, then you’re out of your mind. There is so much buzz about the return of the show that I can feel the hairs on the back of my neck standing on end.

Let’s see, last season’s cliffhanger finale was painful to sit through, primarily because we saw Dominic Monaghan’s character Charlie sacrifice himself, and because the writers and producers revealed a very interesting twist to the Lost array of surprises: flash forwards. And now we’re all wondering, what the fuck is going on? Basically, we’re asking the exact same question we ask every time we watch an episode of the show. We’re always one step behind and we’re always trying to peer over the edge to see what could come next, but we almost always get it wrong.

At last year’s Comic-Con, Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse sat down at the Lost panel to answer some questions about the upcoming season and the season 3 DVD. Basically they revealed nothing, as usual, but they did give us insiders a nice little gift. Harold Perrineau, who plays Michael, is back. And he will be answering the zillions of questions that have sprung up since his mysterious disappearance with Walt.

So, if I were you, I would go watch all the previous episodes and try to catch up before tuning in, because if you’re not prepared, you’re probably not going to understand anything from the premiere. But then again, even if we’re prepared, the show usually finds away to catch us off guard anyway.

The premiere, aptly titled “The Beginning of the End”, premieres Thursday, Jan. 31.

The green light for SAG

The WGA has allowed the Screen Actors Guild Awards to go on. This is a very good thing, considering if it was a no-go, the best films of the year (or our time, even) would not have been honored.

The winners:

Daniel Day-Lewis [There Will Be Blood] - Best Actor

Utterly deserving, in my opinion, although for me it was a tough one between him and Emile Hirsch in Into the Wild. However, Hirsch is young, and he’s got a bright future ahead of him so he has plenty of time to win awards. But Daniel Day-Lewis dedicated his award to Heath Ledger, and this just makes us all think that you can be at the prime of your life, young and successful, and you can be taken away instantly, so really, if you need to be appreciated, it’s now or never.

Javier Bardem [No Country for Old Men] - Best Supporting Actor

Duh. This was a no-brainer.

Julie Christie [Away from Her] - Best Actress

Haven’t seen the movie, but I have heard a lot about this directorial debut by Sarah Polly. Christie beat out some pretty stiff competition from Marion Cotillard for La Vie en Rose, Cate Blanchett for Elizabeth: the Golden Age, Ellen Page for Juno and Angelina Jolie for A Mighty Heart.

No Country for Old Men - Best Ensemble Cast

Basically the best drama award went to the well-lauded film by the Coen brothers. No surprise there also.

Tina Fey - Best Actress in a Comedy for 30 Rock

Finally! Miss Fey deserves the award, but the way she sees it she’s merely a “hat rack” that Alec Baldwin dances around with like Fred Astaire. We disagree, Tina. You’re awesome in 30 Rock.

Alec Baldwin - Best Actor in a Comedy for 30 Rock

When they were doing the in memoriam slides and at the end, a muted screen flashed with Heath Ledger on it, I almost cried. He was such a talented actor, and it’s so sad to see a really fine talent meet such an untimely demise.

Damn you, J.J. Abrams!

You sure know how to tease an audience.

To those of us who’ve seen Cloverfield, I’m sure everyone’s noticed that the Star Trek movie that Abrams is filming for a Christmas release was unveiled rather vaguely but surely during the previews. I’m sure you all clapped gleefully when that beautiful snippet featuring a couple of people working on the Enterprise gleamed on the screen.

You know, Abrams and his crew at Bad Robot Productions may have just brought back the beauty of the trailer. Everything he releases so far has been successful because of the marketing of the trailers. Mission: Impossible 3 had a pretty great trailer, and of course, Cloverfield and its viral marketing that completely blew audiences away.

And now Trekkies everywhere are shitting their pants knowing that their fantasies will be fulfilled this Christmas. They’re probably writing love letters to J.J. now, professing their undying love to him and asking to be reassured that their beloved little gem is in safe hands. Trust me, you guys, if there’s anyone who had the balls to make Star Trek, it would be J.J. And it’s in safe hands.

The film is slated to star Chris Pine [The Princess Diaries 2, Just My Luck] as Kirk, Zachary Quinto [Heroes] as Spock, Eric Bana [The Hulk, Troy] as Nero, and a slew of other talents, including Winona Ryder, John Cho [Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle], Zoe Saldana [Haven, Guess Who], Karl Urban [The Chronicles of Riddick, The Lord of the Rings], Simon Pegg [Shaun of the Dead]  and of course, Leonard Nimoy. So, judging from the fresh faced cast you can kind of conclude that they’re going with Enterprise during the early days.

Although I’m not a Trekkie, I’m hoping I live long and prosper enough to catch that movie.

He’s something newsworthy

So I’ve been watching a lot of CNN lately. Not just because the news is all we’re allowed to watch at the hotel, but because of three things: the presidential campaigns, Anderson Cooper, and a certain weather guy named Rob Marciano.

The presidential campaigns are heating up, and we see some of the candidates scrambling to ensure their win in the primaries. It’s getting dirty, especially with the whole bout between Obama and Clinton. It’s exciting to watch, and I love when the political analysts break down the reasons why the outcomes turn out the way they did. Anyway, call me boring but I enjoy them.

Anderson Cooper. He’s kind of like, the ideal guy you want to bring home to mom and start a family with. He’s obviously smart and charismatic, and he has a sense of humor, too. It helps that he’s also kind of cute. There was this one segment when the prompter didn’t move for him and he had to ad-lib and all he came up with was “Uh, the teleprompter has got to move on now because I can’t come up with anything by myself unless I’m told what to do.” I thought that was pretty funny.

Rob Marciano. Now he’s like an Anderson Cooper; smart, funny and charming, except ten times cuter in an aw-shucks kind of way. He’s CNN’s resident meteorologist and he was a big contributor during the Hurricane Katrina incidents. He’s super adorable and he’s definitely got me watching the news more often. He has filled in for some mainstay morning anchors like T.J. Holmes (who’s also cute) but mostly he does the weather. Don’t believe me? Here.

Advertising never looked this good

Mad Men is AMC’s gift to the severely failing creativity of the television world. Recently, we’ve gotten bad season returns [Heroes], book-to-boob-tube adapations [Gossip Girl, Cashmere Mafia, Lipstick Jungle] and silver screen to small screen shifts [The Sarah Connor Chronicles]. There hasn’t been anything original since, oh I don’t know. Greek.

So Mad Men served as a wake-up call to those straying writers, proving that there is hope for television. It’s my new favorite show and it’s one of the most well-written, overall well-done shows I’ve ever seen. After Buffy of course. And Veronica Mars. And Lost. You get my drift.

Mad Men is set in the 1960s and revolves around the lives of advertising execs on Madison Avenue. Our stars belong to a prestigious ad company called Sterling-Cooper and the show is all about how the 60s were. The fashion, language, music, social atmosphere, and norms of the 60s. It’s all there, including lots of sex, lies and, well, more sex. The show captures the excessiveness of the 60s so well (over-the-top cigarette smoking and drinking included) and, since it was created by Sopranos mastermind Matthew Weiner, it delivers in its precision and sophistication.

The stars of the show include a dashingly handsome Jon Hamm as Don Draper, who is the main character, a creative director at Sterling-Cooper. Vincent Kartheiser [Alaska, Angel] also stars as Pete Campbell, an ambitious accounting exec who wants to prove that he’s more than what his family name is worth. Elisabeth Moss [Girl, Interrupted], January Jones [We are Marshall] and Christina Hendricks [Cold Case, Firefly] inject some female spirit into this otherwise male-dominated drama. John Slattery also costars as a womanizing Roger Sterling.

The show recently won a Golden Globe for Best Drama Series, as well as Best Actor in a Drama for Jon Hamm. Unfortunately, due to the WGA strike, the show wasn’t given the ample recognition it deserved, but hey, at least it’s awesome enough to be picked up for a second season.

Is the juice worth the squeeze?

J.J. Abrams, you ask a lot from your faithful followers. A hell of a lot. But I was steadfast, J.J., and I prevailed. I emerged from your movie puke-free. But you should know, it was extremely difficult. I deserve a medal!

Cloverfield is no.1 at the box office. Unfortunately, it’s not so much that it’s number one because of its novel filmmaking, or grandiose special effects. Rather, I believe it’s number one because people like me saw that trailer accompanying Transformers and thought, “Holy shit, what the hell was that?” Basically, curiosity was the main drive that led people to cough up 10 bucks for this movie. Was it a success? In some respects, yes. Here’s my review:

For originality, let’s give the movie some props. The Blair Witch Project + Godzilla = Cloverfield. It had a novel idea, to take the experiences of 5 New Yorkers and use it to tell the story. Basically, the film is set in the Big Apple, in the middle of a going-away party for this guy Rob. Some huge unknown monster rips off the Statue of Liberty’s head and starts causing major chaos. There’s lots of screaming, some blood, some piercing shrieks from the unknown monster, and…that’s about it.

Sitting through Cloverfield, however, as novel as the premise was, it wasn’t very pleasant. Halfway through the movie I could feel the burrito I ate for lunch rising in my throat. I had to close my eyes several times to try and relieve myself from the rising nausea and dizziness. And 3/4 through the movie, I found myself wondering, “When is this going to end?”

It wasn’t that it was a bad movie. It’s just that the choice of medium (the handycam approach), although incredibly vital to the atmosphere and precision of the movie’s message, wasn’t conducive to an audience. Several people reported feeling nauseous during the movie, and they ended up barfing somewhere or demanding refunds. First of all, barfing is fine. I would’ve puked my guts out then and there myself, because it was that uncomfortable. But I would not have asked for a refund, because if you had done your research like every good moviegoer, you would have determined that Cloverfield would turn out exactly as expected. I sat through that movie and forced my vomit down, so you should have done the same thing! So too bad that you got nauseous and you felt like you wanted your money back. But in the future, do your fucking homework and make sure you’re not just blowing 10 bucks on a movie you have no clue about.

Anyhoo, now that’s out of the way, the overall consensus is that the film was a decent one. The pre-monster-terrorizing-New-York stuff was pretty good, and I thought they really made it seem like it was a documentary. People’s reactions were pretty interesting to watch and it really did seem like we were at a going-away party for this cute guy Rob. Unfortunately, when the monster started attacking, it started to be all about the message, and the film drifted away from the people that made it interesting. I guess what I am trying to get at is that instead of learning more about the people and seeing these characters grow or at least stand out because of the circumstances, we just see things flying everywhere, or someone getting bitten by a spider-like creature in the subway.

The monster was vague. It is never revealed, nor is it ever fully explained. At the end of the credits, there is an interesting piece of audio that hints at a sequel, but I doubt that anyone would go see that without preparing their barf bags, unless the producers decide to go for a less shaky filming approach.

The upside of the film was the performance from its actors, who are relatively unknown. Michael Stahl-David delivered a very convincing performance as Rob. I’m probably the only one who knows this guy has been in something else other than Cloverfield. I watched The Black Donnellys on NBC and he played one of the Donnelly brothers. Mike Vogel is probably the most well-known of the cast. He plays Jason, Rob’s brother. Vogel has been in Grind, Poseidon and The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. Lizzy Caplan trails in popularity, although her new look might make viewers forget that she played Janis Ian in Mean Girls.

Apart from the cast, what makes this movie unique and clever is the use of little snippets to tell the story. Holding back and not showing us the monster all at once was a good decision, and it made sure that the audience was in the same boat as the characters, with no clue about what was going on. The decision to make whatever was happening as shrouded with mystery and vague as possible actually added to the suspense and made it more terrifying than usual.

Another upside was the take on the military role in the film. I liked when the movie made a twist and Lizzy Caplan’s character, Marlena, ended up being mysteriously dragged behind some canvas and then have blood splatter against it. I wanted to learn more about that. Why did that happen? Are the monster and its little baby spider things parasites? Were they a government operation that went awry? Were they aliens? No one knows. And that’s part of why this film is unsatisfying. All of the reason people went to see this movie was to find out what the monster was about. We don’t care about how torturous your experience was. We want to know if that thing is scary enough to warrant 10 bucks of your hard-earned money. We want to know if there is a conspiracy, or an invasion. We want to leave the theater thinking, “Whoa, those five New Yorkers experienced such a traumatic event that was brought about by ________.”

Unfortunately, most of us left the theater with the same thought that we had going into it: “What the fuck?” But maybe that’s a good thing. Maybe as moviegoers we’ve become so spoiled; we’ve been spoonfed these crappy movies that deliver all special effects and yet no inspiration and nothing new to offer. We’re so used to leaving the theater knowing everything there is to know about a film and its characters. Maybe it’s time we got served. In Cloverfield, we don’t know shit, and we don’t know how it ends. But what we do know is that it was interesting, it did end up being a giant reptilian monster thing, and somehow the military was involved. In this movie, no one overcomes Herculean obstacles and ends up slaying a giant monster. It’s the year 2008. We’re pretty secure in the thought that we’re a puny race who will probably be annihilated if we were ever invaded. We don’t stand a chance against a giant monster, and no, Bruce Willis cannot swoop down and save the day. Is that so bad?

So I guess the main question is, because of all the hype from this movie, is the juice really worth the squeeze? I think it is. Besides, I don’t think people really need convincing to see this film. Like me, I saw the trailer and I was completely blown away. And I remain completely blown away. The movie may have been unexpected and it may have left some questions unanswered, but it had good performances, chilling special effects, and a unique point of view that made up for the torture of nausea. The juice is worth the squeeze, if you ask me, because I left the theater wondering more about that movie than I did to begin with. And that, to me, was a bigger success for the filmmakers.

Children, welcome to higher education

Parents, if you’re looking for youth-oriented movies, look no further. I have my top 20 (10 wasn’t sufficient, you’d agree) list of teenage dirtbag movies guaranteed to corrupt your minors. After all, teenage movies are usually either about sex, drugs or rock and roll. Did I mention sex? To fully understand the teenage movie, it’s necessary to look at it as a social commentary. All teenage comedies are a reflection of the culture and social hierarchies of high schools. And we all know there’s a formula to these things. There’s always going to be a pretty girl, geek, bully, and cute boy. And there’s going to be a treatment about the abusive teachers and the stress-inducing classroom atmosphere. Basically, the reason teenage films exist is to say, “World, we’re having sex, doing drugs and being mean to each other. Deal with it.” Oh, and “Hey! Teacher, leave those kids alone!” Anyway, please, don’t thank me. It’s my pleasure.

20. Now and Then

I saw this movie when I was like, 9 or something. It’s one of those movies you see when you’re little and when you pass it by at a DVD aisle, you feel nostalgic all of a sudden. The movie stars Christina Ricci, Gabby Hoffman, Thora Birch and some other random chick back in the day when they were all young and impressionable. I thought this movie was fun and lighthearted, and although predictably cheesy as most 90s movies tend to be, it still makes a good watch. Devon Sawa is also in this movie, and Brendan Fraser also appears in a cameo. Demi Moore, Rita Wilson, Rosie O’Donnell and Melanie Griffin comprise the all-star cast of the grown-up girls, and Janeane Garofalo also appears as a kooky fortune teller.

Best Quote: [Chrissy's mom, on sex] “All women have a garden, and a garden needs a big hose to water it…or a small hose…as long as it works.”

19. The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys

You’re going to be seeing a lot of Emile Hirsch movies on this list, because I think he’s one of the best young actors today. Not convinced? He’s starring in Into the Wild, directed by Sean Penn, for crying out loud. The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys is just the movie that combines Catholic school tension with old-school shenanigans, with a dash of cartoon flavor. Based on a graphic novel/book by Chris Fuhrman, the movie was produced by Jodie Foster, who plays mean Catholic school miser hellbent on dispensing faith-based justice on Kieran Culkin and Emile Hirsch’s band of merry misfits. A downside to this movie is the existence of Jena Malone, who I loathe to death. Her face is annoying, and the roles she plays are so predictable. She plays the exact same roles over and over again [see Donnie Darko, Life as a House, and Saved!]. Anyway, sorry, enough with the Jena Malone ranting. This is a good movie, go see it. It’s for your own good.

Best Quote:

Sister Assumpta: “Blake, a little advanced, don’t you think?”

Blake: “Not really, sister. It’s written simply enough for a six-year-old.”

Sister Assumpta: “So are the instructions for a handgun.”

18. Fast Times at Ridgemont High

I must say, I am biased to anything involving Cameron Crowe. Written by the Almost Famous writer/director, Fast Times at Ridgemont High introduced us to a world of the perpetually stoned, in the form of a very blond Sean Penn. It’s also a movie that’s known for boobs. Specifically, Phoebe Cates’ boobs.

Best Quote: “You are a wuss; part wimp and part pussy.”

17. Napoleon Dynamite

Ah, Jon Heder. Who would think that the way your face looks can play a vital role in your success as an actor. Napoleon Dynamite is like a cross between Election and Rushmore, which can only mean good things. No one else could’ve played Napoleon but Jon Heder, and no one could’ve played Pedro than Efren Ramirez. The words “Vote for Pedro” have since then graced the car bumpers and walls of people everywhere. Not only is it just so blindingly funny, but it’s also visually unique. I mean, have you ever seen a character like Napoleon Dynamite? Or have you ever had a character written like Deb (played by Tina Majorino)?

Best Quote:

Deb: “What are you drawing?”

Napoleon: “A liger.”

Deb: “What’s a liger?”

Napoleon: “It’s pretty much my favorite animal. It’s like a lion and a tiger mixed; bred for its skills in magic.”

16. Dazed and Confused

I used to have a giant crush on Jason London. But this movie transcended cute guys and girls. The most well-known of Richard Linklater’s movies, Dazed and Confused was a testament to that turning point in life we call: senior year. The cast of high school miscreants still have good careers today, such as Joey Lauren Adams, Milla Jovovich, Rory Cochrane, Cole Hauser, and of course, Ben Affleck and Matthew McConaughey. It’s 103 minutes of nostalgia and bad hair, which is pretty much everyone’s high school experience in a nutshell, hence the movie’s success. It’s also pretty informative. I mean, did you know that George Washington belonged to cult that worshiped aliens? And that Martha Washington, man, she was a hip, hip, lady, man. Rory Cochrane is the shit in this movie.

Best Quote: “I’m just trying to be a honest about being a misanthrope.”

Bully roles: Ben Affleck, Cole Hauser, Parker Posey.

Cute guy: Jason London.

15. Never Been Kissed

Nice premise, cute leading man, pre-stardom Jessica Alba with a really bad tan…perfect teen movie. Drew Barrymore is perfect as Josie Geller, a twentysomething journalist who is sent back to high school for an undercover article. Michael Vartan plays her super adorable English teacher who she ends up falling in love with and consequently, who she asks to change that “never been kissed” thing into a “been kissed”, in the middle of a baseball diamond, no less. The movie is fun and lighthearted; predictable, of course, but what’s a teen movie with an unpredictable ending, right?

Best Quote:

P.E. teacher: “Now you are gonna complete these sprints, because if you don’t, you fail. And if you fail gym, you’ll never get into college.”

Josie: “You guys are still telling that lie?”

Bully roles: Marley Shelton, Jessica Alba, Jordan Ladd, James Franco.

Cute boy: Jeremy Jordan, Michael Vartan.

Cute girl: The Barbies, Drew Barrymore.

Geek: Leelee Sobieski, the math geeks.

14. The Girl Next Door

So I have a thing for Emile Hirsch, and I’ve seen all of his movies, and that’s pretty much why this movie is on the list. Well, not entirely. It’s a pretty awesome movie in its own right. Timothy Olyphant is exceptionally greasy in this movie and fulfills the modern pimp role to the T, matching leather pants, wifebeater and all. It’s also a pretty accurate depiction of high school; from porn-obsessed film geeks, to the ridiculously outdated sex ed movies. Of course, part (if not all) of the reason guys saw this movie was because of Elisha Cuthbert [24, The Quiet]. Ah, men. So predictable.

Best Quote: “Goddammit Matt! I swear to God if you don’t fuck her, I’ll kill myself! Matt! Please! Please, Matt! Fuck her for me! For me!”

13. Election

Alexander Payne’s masterpiece, before Sideways. The movie stars still unknown actors Reese Witherspoon, Chris Klein, and led by Matthew Broderick (a guy who knows his teen movies inside-out) in one of his best roles. Election is so hilarious in its depiction of high school competition and how there is always going to be one Tracy Flick in every high school in the world. I had one Tracy Flick in my high school and she was a fucking demon. Well, until she learned to quit fucking around with me and resorted to being fake to me instead, and it made the world go round again. At least, according to her standards.

Anyway, Election is classic and fun, and it’s such a reflection of the social workings of high school that’s it’s scary to even think about.

Best Quote: “If you died right now, I would throw myself under one of my dad’s cement trucks so I could be poured into your tomb.”

12. Pretty in Pink

Lots of people’s childhoods (including mine) would have been completely different had John Hughes never taken up screenwriting. The man is a cinematic genius. He knows what’s quirky, what’s funny, and what’s in demand. He understands young people like no other. So the fact that he’s on the list for a slew of other films is not surprising. Pretty in Pink is one of those movies everyone sees and just never forgets. Featuring Hughes’ muse Molly Ringwald, with James Spader, John Cryer and Andrew McCarthy, the movie is one of those iconic ones as well. The premise, like most of Hughes’ films, is basically Molly Ringwald’s character who’s kind of an outsider crushing on a popular guy, and stalked by a geek. We’ll never forget Duckie.

Best Quote: Duckie: “Do you know what an older woman does for me?”

Iona: “Changes your diapers?”

Duckie: “Touché.”

11. Sixteen Candles

Come on. John Hughes couldn’t avoid this list even if his life depended on it. Molly Ringwald is the quintessential teenage drama queen in this iconic movie. And Anthony Michael Hall is the quintessential uber-geek. If you haven’t seen this movie, and you’re over 20, where the hell have you been?

Best Quote: “I mean, not many girls in contemporary American society today would give their underwear to help a geek like me.”

10. Mean Girls
If you haven’t seen this movie yet, you should. It’s Tina Fey’s best work and Lindsay Lohan’s best as well before she got all coked up and stupid. Rachel McAdams debuts in this movie and it’s just hilariously funny, and I would watch this movie over and over and not get sick of it.

Best Quote: “If you’re from Africa, why are you white?” We love you, Karen.

Cute boy: Jonathan Bennett

Geeks: the mathletes, the art fags

Bully roles: The Plastics

9. Clueless

Argh! As if! How can you make a list of comedies without including this charismatic 90’s hit? Alicia Silverstone could not have been more perfect for the role of Cher, Beverly Hills’ most well-dressed darling. Soundtrack was killer. Paul Rudd was super cute, and Brittany Murphy was adorable when she was still ugly. What could go wrong?

Best Quote:

Cher’s Dad: “What the hell is that?”

Cher: “A dress.”

Cher’s Dad: “Says who?”

Cher: “Calvin Klein.”

Cute boy: Paul Rudd

Geek: Breckin Meyer

8. 10 Things I Hate About You

It pains me to put this on the list when its star is no longer with us. R.I.P, Heath Ledger. It’s just so shocking to me that this guy is actually dead. Anyway, let’s focus on the fact that this was a film that may have launched Ledger’s career, including that of costars Julia Stiles and David Krumholtz. 10 Things I Hate About You is very well-written, extremely well-cast and has a pretty good soundtrack to boot. Julia Stiles has been in several modern Shakespeare movies [O, Hamlet] and including this one (the movie is an adaptation of The Taming of the Shrew], she’s proving that she’s really an English major at Columbia University. Okay, Julia, we get that you like the classics. We get you’re intelligent. This role, though, is probably one of her best because she’s in her element. Perpetually pissed off and intelligent, what could go wrong? I love Andrew Keegan in this movie as well. He does the brainless macho stud thing so well. Overall, it’s one of those very quotable teen movies that is built up by the cast and the screenplay.

Best Quote: Chastity: “I know you can be overwhelmed, and you can be underwhelmed, but can you ever just be whelmed?”

Bianca: “I think you can in Europe.”

Cute boy: Heath Ledger [R.I.P.]

Geek/s: David Krumholtz, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Bogie Lowenstein

Bully roles: Andrew Keegan

7. Some Kind of Wonderful

My all-time favorite John Hughes movie, featuring a very hunky Eric Stoltz (what happened to him?!). The ending for this movie was actually the least predictable of all of Hughes’ movies. I was actually pleasantly surprised, hence why I love this movie. Not only is it just swoon-worthy, but it’s also well-written. Mary Stuart Masterson plays the best friend part so well, and her lines are all very relatable (at least for me), like when she tells Keith: “Don’t go mistaking paradise for a pair of long legs.” As usual, you won’t have a successful teen movie without a grade-A bully, so Craig Sheffer does an excellent job playing resident asshole.

Best Quote: Watts: “It must be a drag to be a slave to the male sex drive.”

Keith: “It’s not just sex.”

Watts: “Oh, you want to start a book club with her?”

Cute girl: Lea Thompson

Cute boy: Eric Stoltz

Geek: Mary Stuart Masterson

6. Juno

Well-written, great soundtrack, excellent cast, and you’ve got yourself an Oscar-nominated film. Juno made a whole lot of dough at the box office for a Fox Searchlight film, and it’s thanks to all the critics’ buzz and the trailers on TV featuring a smartassed Ellen Page spewing quips so rapid-fire you’ve got to see it twice to catch ‘em all. I have to say, for me, Michael Cera was just awesome in this movie. I loved him in Superbad, but really, he was the shit. Jason Bateman also did a pretty spectacular job. As did Allison Janney and J.K. Simmons.

Best Quote: “That ain’t no etch-a-sketch. That’s one doodle that can’t be undid home skillet.”

5. Disturbing Behavior

To all the people who thought that James Marsden was never able to pull off a starring role until fucking Enchanted or whatever, obviously you haven’t seen Disturbing Behavior. He is pretty good in that movie, and he was with Katie Holmes and Nick Stahl. The plot is simple: the teachers are trying to brainwash the kids so they can be perfect little students, replete with varsity jackets, bake sales and top-notch vocabulary and all. The script is pretty good, and the soundtrack is rockin’.

Best Quote:

U.V. : “Wait, man, what’s the capital of North Dakota?”

Steve: “How the fuck should I know?
U.V. : “All right. You’re still okay.”
4. The Breakfast Club

Really? Do I really need to put a little description of the movie here? Right. I didn’t think so. Everyone’s seen this movie, and if you haven’t, you’re full of crap. It’s the mother of all teenage social commentaries. I’ve even written an English paper on it. That John Hughes had a sociological eye, man.

3. Superbad

This is the funniest fucking movie I’ve seen and I could not stop laughing. Michael Cera and Jonah Hill are a perfect tandem, and with some help from a little guy named Fogell, they complete a trio of geek goodness. All these guys wanna do is fuck someone, and like most teen comedies [Trojan War, for example], the whole thing revolves around that premise. Written by Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg, the movie is supposed to be a reflection of these guys’ high school experience. And I think it’s safe to say they had a pretty memorable one if they end up making a movie about it.

Best Quote: “You know when you hear girls say ‘Ah man, I was so shit-faced last night, I shouldn’t have fucked that guy?’ We could be that mistake!”

2. The Faculty

Best. Movie. Ever. Guaranteed to jack you up. I mean, what could go wrong with the premise that the school is taken over by aliens? Our teachers are aliens. And how can we save the world from aliens? Drugs! Drugs are the answer! Thank you, Robert Rodriguez, for giving us young people a voice! Anyway, everyone who’s in this movie is huge now. Clea DuVall, Usher, Josh Hartnett, Elijah Wood, Famke Janssen, and even fucking Jon Stewart is in this all-star cast, man. The soundtrack is killer, and the overall film is a sweet ride. I liked this movie so much the name “Zeke” actually grew on me and I have since resolved to name my kid Zeke (if it’s a boy). I know, scary, right?

Best Quote:

Zeke: “Whoa, woman. What are you on?”
Miss Burke: “Woman? Did you just say ‘woman’? I’m sick of you, little boy. And if I have to see you peddling your little Wonder Dust again, I’m gonna shove my foot so far up your ass, you’ll be sucking my toes ’till graduation.”
Zeke: “She got some bad shit!”

1. Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

Awesomest movie ever. Ferris Bueller is someone everyone wants to be and he owns it. He can do The Twist on a fucking parade float, man! Definitely John Hughes’ writing and directing masterpiece, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off is the quintessential high school movie. Fun, funny, a testament to the walls of high school (especially that segment with the teacher taking roll and going, “Bueller…Bueller…Bueller…”), it’s got everything!

Best Quote:

Ferris: “Now, I didn’t hit you. I lightly slapped you.”
Cameron: “You hit me. Look, don’t make me participate in your stupid crap if you don’t like the way I do it. You make me get out of bed, you make me come over here. You make me make a phony phone call to Edward Rooney? The man could squash my nuts into oblivion. And then, and then you deliberately hurt my feelings.”

It’s too fucking bizarre to even blog about. Heath Ledger is dead at 28 years old. And I was just writing about him in my The Dark Knight post too. I seriously thought it was a joke when I glanced up from the front desk and saw on CNN’s crawl that he was found dead in his apartment, with a suspicion of drugs being involved. The first thing that I thought when I saw the words “found dead” was, “Well, are they sure?” It seems so surreal.

The poor guy was super talented too. Kind of brings back River Phoenix memories, actually. What a waste of talent and good looks. He would have had a long, healthy career.

Good ol’ pie

It seems that not only has 2007 seen the release of numerous fantasy films, but of unwanted pregnancy movies as well. Juno, Knocked Up, and Waitress are only a few of the newly released movies that tackle the theme of accidental pregnancy. All three have done very well according to critics, and it’s pretty surprising, considering that the three films have strong, female protagonists which usually draw more female viewers than male.

Of the three, Juno would take the cake for overall film quality, only because of it’s charming dialogue; although Waitress trails in a close second. Knocked Up was all right, according to my standards. It was funny, of course, considering it’s a Judd Apatow film, but it wasn’t as clever as the other two.

Waitress is a brilliant film, starring Keri Russell [Felicity, Mission: Impossible 3], Nathan Fillion [Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Firefly, Serenity] and Jeremy Sisto [Clueless, Wrong Turn]. It’s about a waitress named Jenna who suddenly finds herself pregnant after having drunken sex one night with her husband. Keri Russell is so convincing as a poor, tortured soul who suddenly becomes pregnant and sees it as so much of a burden that she starts formulating pie recipes in her head based on the turmoils she experiences (i.e. “I Hate My Husband” pie). Her biggest dream is to escape her husband, and make pies. And not necessarily in that order, too.

It’s one of the most well-written films I’ve ever seen, and it’s so entertaining that I guarantee once you see it, you’ll fall in love with it. The opening credits of the film will no doubt be enough to reel you in. It features snippets of pie-making, proving it to be one delectable dish of just the right comedy and enough drama to work. Written and directed by the late Adrienne Shelly (who was found murdered in her Greenwich Village apartment in 2006; initially it was believed to have been a suicide, but later a construction worker confessed to the murder), Waitress is so charmingly funny that I found myself laughing out loud at some scenes (whereas I don’t recall ever having laughed out loud while watching Knocked Up). One of my favorite lines from the movie is the one between Jenna (played by Keri Russell) and Dr. Pomatter (Nathan Fillion). This is just after the two of them realize that they are attracted to one another, and after their first kiss.

Dr. Pomatter: I want to talk to you. Somewhere outside of here. Maybe we can have coffee or something?

Jenna: I can’t have coffee! It’s on the bad food list you gave me. What kind of doctor are you?

Apart from being extremely funny, the film also has some serious drama. Jenna is trapped in a marriage with someone she absolutely fears and detests. Jeremy Sisto’s Earl is undeniably gruesome and, within the first few minutes of his debut on the screen, is incredibly easy to dislike. A typical redneck abusive husband who blasts his car horn several times when picking up his wife, although she’s already standing waiting for him, Earl is like a worst-case scenario of what a husband is. He takes the money that Jenna makes from waitressing tips and talks to her like she’s his property. In short, Earl’s character was written to make your blood boil, and indeed he does.

Waitress is basically about Jenna struggling to find the strength to leave her good-for-nothing husband, and finds herself in an affair with her doctor, played by Nathan Fillion, who adopts plenty of the swagger and charm the he used while playing Mal in Joss Whedon’s Firefly.

Featuring performances worthy of applause as well are Cheryl Hines (whose character, Becky, is absolutely endearing, incessantly claiming her left boob is higher than her right boob) and Adrienne Shelly (who is a triple threat in this movie, as she was the writer, director and an actress as well in this movie). The movie is both heart-wrenching and funny, which, like some good ol’ pie, if both elements are mixed just right, deliver a success.Waitress is definitely a must-see.

Not another fantasy movie

It seems that 2007 was the year that saw the release of a zillion Lord of the Rings wannabe movies. All right, we get it, the fantasy genre sometimes promises big box office returns (The Chronicles of Narnia) and a chance to wow viewers with CGI showmanship, but really?

Last year, Arthur and the Invisibles, Bridge to Terabithia, The Last Mimzy, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Eragon, The Golden Compass…all of these were released, in one year! I think we can go ahead and say that 2007 was sci-fi/fantasy year. It was also the first time ever that Comic-Con International in San Diego was ever sold out. So, I guess the geeks are taking back the power.

Anyway, another fantasy movie that was released last year was Stardust, based on the Neil Gaiman fantasy novel of the same name. The book? Original in parts, but overall, crappy. The movie? Formulaic, sappy, predictable, unimpressive…I could think of more synonyms for the words BAD MOVIE, but in a word: blah.

Okay, so maybe I have a dislike for Claire Danes, that could’ve been a reason why I thought the movie was terrible. But it wasn’t just me. I borrowed the movie because I thought my younger sisters would enjoy it, but alas, thirty minutes into the movie they were off wandering around the house doing god knows what else. There were several things that didn’t work for this movie. The lovely Sienna Miller, who usually shines in the roles she plays, was an utter bore in the film. Michelle Pfeiffer, who I thought was the one saving grace in the film, wasn’t as radiant and delightfully evil as she usually is when she plays villains. Claire Danes was annoying, as usual. The leading man Charlie Cox was such a traditional fantasy hero–plain-looking (and yet in the end, he was predictably transformed into a dashing young hero, complete with longer, silkier hair, spiffier outfit, and swordfighting skills courtesy of a cross-dressing Robert de Niro), clumsy, babbling and once again, spouting sweet nothings to a damsel in distress.

There is nothing original about the adaptation of this story. There are flying ships, glittery special FX, sweeping cinematic scores, a gruff narrator, and medieval costumes galore, but is there a plot? Not much of it. Boy likes girl, boy sets off to find a way to win over girl, boy meets other girl, boy and other girl get involved in a bunch of adventure stuff that really does nothing to advance the plot or further character development, boy and other girl face possible danger and overcome villains, boy and girl live happily ever after–really, the story ENDS with those words. They lived happily ever after.

Stardust is a movie I will most likely not be seeing again, even if it’s on cable and there is nothing else good on. What fantasy filmmakers must understand is that what made fantasy movies like The Chronicles of Narnia and The Lord of the Rings successful is great acting, great special effects, a fully relatable plot, or a mix of everything, which I believe both movies had. With The Lord of the Rings, everyone in that movie was an excellent actor. LoTR became a pinnacle of visual effects, set design, original score and costume design. It’s a movie that little films strive to become. And what made that film resonate with the audience? Characters that we care about. We care that Frodo is able to pitch that ring into Mouth Doom. We care that the Fellowship survives Moria and Caradhras.

In contrast, Stardust is merely a ride filled with special effects that are supposed to make up for the lack of great storytelling and acting. You really don’t care if Tristan Thorn falls in love with Yvaine. Robert de Niro has been reduced to a flying ship’s captain, except he’s gay and supposed to be funny, but he’s really not. And is the appearance of a certain Extras star going to boost the film’s status? Not really, as Ricky Gervais was merely annoying in that movie and seemed like an afterthought. Like, “Hey, Ricky Gervais, come put on a costume and stand in the middle of the set in our movie.”

Anyway, I guess it can be said that Stardust, sadly, does not have enough star power to be purchased on DVD. Unless you want your brains to melt or if your kids are easy to amuse, then go right ahead.