The machismo was dripping from the screen

So I have been AWOL for a while.

Well, not really. At one point I purposefully wanted to stop blogging here as I have found that the once therapeutic value of using MySpace as a sounding board has dramatically decreased over the past few months.

But here I am again.

A few things: Beowulf? Eh. Robert Zemeckis promised a jaw-dropper of a movie. It was jaw-dropping for different reasons. Angelina Jolie’s 3-D boobs for instance. The tag line should have been switched from “Pride is the curse” to Beowulf: Disappointing boys worldwide. And here I thought only Christian Bale’s Batman had no nipples.

The movie started off with a bang. I could have sworn I saw a few mouths hanging open in awe at the graphics, courtesy of the geniuses at Imageworks. The score was really well done too. The background music when Beowulf’s character appears on the screen was almost hair-raising. Ray Winstone’s voice pretty much sealed the deal for Beowulf. The guy has one of those sought-after voices. Like James Earl Jones.

I thought the movie was very well-made cinematically, but once again, Neil Gaiman fails to deliver. I don’t know what it is about this guy, but for some reason I never enjoy anything he does. Okay, so maybe I should give Sandman a chance, see what all the hype is about. But I read Stardust and I hated it. And now this movie; the script was weird. I mean, “BRING THE MEAD!”, “MEAD!”, “MEAD!”. I think it is safe to say that what the audience ultimately gathered from that film was that the Danes are famous for their mead.

Anyhoo, but I’m glad I watched it. Even though Grendel looked like a complete idiot, whining and writhing like an imbecile. Oh, wait, he is an imbecile. There. Since when was Grendel ever a “he” anyway? That decision for realism instead of grandiose, grotesque terror in the portrayal of Grendel totally took away believability. Grendel is basically a giant, shrieking baby borne of Anthony Hopkins and Angelina Jolie. Jesus. So that’s why Angelina adopts.

Anyway, during my temporary disappearance from the face of the planet, I also had thanksgiving dinner. At work. Yes, I worked during thanksgiving. Oh, joy. Not that I really wanted to celebrate thanksgiving. I love turkey and food and all that, but it’s not as festive as say, Christmas or New Year’s. It was my uncle’s birthday, though, but since I had to work I basically just grabbed some lumpia, bihon and turkey and made a mad dash for the door.

And then I went to the midnight madness after thanksgiving sale at Carlsbad. Sure enough, madness ensued. I now have a completely different idea of what “consumer-driven America” means. First of all, how insane are you to stand in line in the cold for an ugly purse? I’m sorry, but Coach bags are hideous to me. I really do not see the point in buying these designer bags. They all look the same and some of them are so huge that you could fit your baby into that thing. In short, I left the outlets without a single thing in hand. I know, what was the point in going if I didn’t at least leave with something. Seriously? If you had seen the lines in the stores and how ruthless people were being…At one point I was standing at Puma browsing through a rack of shirts. The rack just happened to be right in front of the line for the registers. A girl standing with her arms full of Puma crap just started wailing at me because she thought I was cutting the line. So yeah, don’t blame me for leaving empty-handed. The stress of Black Friday is so not worth a twenty-dollar sweater you get at Puma.

Anyway, on to exciting things. It’s almost December! Christmas shopping! Also, all these cool movies are coming out, like The Golden Compass (no, I am not going to emerge an atheist after seeing this movie, you Bible-thumping weirdos) and I Am Legend. I didn’t think Will Smith could pull off Robert Neville’s character, but the trailer looks badass and I can’t wait! I have a feeling this will be the better vampire movie of the year. 30 Days of Night was awesome (save for the cheesy ending) but I Am Legend centers around one character, the one person who is immune from the vampire infection, and it explores the whole “no man is an island” thing as well as the survival instincts man has. Richard Matheson’s book dealt a lot with Neville’s internal battle with himself. The vampires factor in, of course, but he always has episodes where his biggest enemy is himself. This would be difficult to show in a film, of course, how Neville’s character often fights with himself. Unless they do a narration. But that would be weird. Will Smith doesn’t do Being John Malkovich vampire style. I think this movie is going to be 28 Days Later with vampires. I didn’t like how they gave away in the trailer that the dog was going to die though. I mean, we all know he’s going to die because he’s basically the only other companion Neville has in the movie and so his death would definitely serve a climactic purpose, but I would at least like to feign surprise when he dies!

Anyway, this is enough geeking out for now.

p.s.
Heroes! I’m so excited! I wonder who saves HRG, and who the mystery woman, Victoria Pratt, is. And maybe someone will finally tell us what the toxic twins’ purpose in the show is.

They’ve got the Nikki and Paulo

Heroes has got it bad.

Have the producers not learned anything from season 3 of Lost? When new characters come in twos, it’s usually a sign that they will be seriously detested on blogs. Or axed. Or both.

The lesson learned from Lost’s Nikki and Paulo: if you’re going to introduce new characters, they have to make an impression sooner or later. For newcomers Maya and Alejadro in Heroes, they absolutely do not impress. Every single scene they are in I switch the channel. Maya is like the Spanish-speaking Nikki Sanders. She cries in every. single. episode. And I’m not just talking about the whole black-goo-spilling-from-the-eyes thing. I get that they are fleeing the country because she’s killed a bunch of people, but come on. There’s nothing interesting about their powers or their characters at all. Come on, Tim Kring. There’s a whole slew of interesting X-Men abilities to steal from, and you come up withblack-goo-spilling-from-the-eyes-and-causing-people-in-the-immediate-vicinity-to-die thing? And the sibling Alejandro serves as chopped liver for every time his sister goes berserk by undoing the deaths. As far as I know, the pair of them are extremely unlikeable from the fans’ point of view and I don’t see any reason why they should be kept on at all. The show could do with much more interesting characters, like Kristen Bell’s (although I was disappointed with her introduction to the story, it wasn’t as explosive as I expected).

And look. Claire has her very own Superman, complete with I-can-catch-you lines reminiscent of a very annoying Leonardo DiCaprio in Titanic. And Hiro’s whole quest thing in feudal Japan? It’s all right. I love David Anders (he was amazing in Alias) so it kind of clouds my judgment, but it’s just not doing anything for the big picture. The writers have interesting ideas with Matt’s father being the Nightmare Man. They should expound on that.

Okay, I will stop ranting now.